Identifying Compulsive Sexual Behavior (CSB)

In the two SAA meetings which I have attended, there have been a number of individuals talking about being "sober". I think it's a funny way of talking about not acting out, but I can see the reason for stating it that way. From what I've ever seen of alcoholism, the battle is much the same with sexual addiction everyday. If something goes wrong – or maybe even if I want to just feel good about something during the day – I am habituated to dealing with it sexually. That can take the form of looking at pornography, or it can sometimes take the form of doing more with another person.

So, what makes up Compulsive Sexual Behavior (CSB)?

Websites tend to categorize CSB into two parts – Paraphilic and Nonparaphilic. Paraphilic is described as "uncoventional sexual behaviors that are compulsive and consequently devoid of love and intimacy". Examples given of this type of CSB are:

• Pedophilia
• Exhibitionism
• Voyeurism
• Sexual Masochism
• Sexual Sadism
• Transvestic Fetishism
• Frotteurism

Nonparaphilic CSB, on the other hand, is described as "conventional and normative sexual behavior taken to a compulsive extreme". Examples given are:

• Compulsive Cruising and Multiple Partners
• Compulsive Fixation on an Unattainable Partner
• Compulsive Autoeroticism
• Compulsive Multiple Love Relationships
• Compulsive Sexuality in a Relationship

I am guilty of Paraphilic behavior on the counts of exhibitionism and voyeurism (e.g. visiting adult theatres and arcades with a partner or alone). Of Nonparaphilic behavior, I am guilty on all counts during various times during my life.

I think the next step after identifying the compulsive behavior is figuring out ways to avoid and end the behavior all together. In the next post I want to work through ways to do this – not just in the long run, but day to day when temptation is the greatest. I've looked at a webpage from Dr. Phil dealing with compulsive behavior, and will find more between now and then.

Introduction

However you've happened upon this weblog, the tale contained within should be something that benefits you. Whether you are an addict, a victim of someone's addiction, or someone who wants to learn about sexual addiction, there will be ample things for you to read and think about over time.

I am an average guy that you see everyday everywhere. I am 26 years old and a sex addict. I have – or rather had – a beautiful and wonderful partner who was hurt deeply by my actions. I hid my other life from her for a very long time – nearly two entire years. I could have been married to her – but now I see her hurt everyday, getting involved in another relationship in reaction to what has happened, and wondering daily whether or not we will ever be able to pick up the pieces and start again.

It was advised that I get professional help. However, professional help cost anywhere from $100-200 per hour, and this is money that I just don't have as a university student and low-level manager in my job. So, I've started attending meetings of a scattered group called Sex Addicts Anonymous. The meetings are free and full of people with the same problem as me. Of course, acting out has taken different forms among us. However, we all share the common thread in that we have acted out and that we have hurt so many people in doing so – not least being ourselves.

I do not know if my fiance will ever take me back. I do not know what the outcome of my attempt at recovery will be. I do hope that writing down my experience will help others with changing their lives. I think sexual addiction has become a huge problem for Americans and that we must fight to save the goodness of our morality. Pornography is not an innocent thing. It damages people and relationships every single day. Relationships of love are based on exclusiveness, and putting one's energy into pornography or other sexual pursuits only acts to take away from the relationship that matters most.

Read my experiences, feel free to contribute, and please note the resources both within this site and inside other websites. I hope this will be a good tale at the end, and I hope that someone out there benefits from what I am going to do.